I have several boomer friends who are now calling themselves “empty nesters.” The kids are off to college…or have graduated…and curiously they’re aligning themselves with primitive avian nesting habits. They imagine that now that they’re back to being a couple (the lucky ones), they’ll have more “freedom” and revert to happy college-era activities…like going sockless and eating over the sink. They fantasize about spontaneous get-togethers with other empty nesters, learning Russian, walking around the house naked, and taking more long weekends. For extra cash, they consider renting out their child’s room and finally emptying the garage of scooters, pink bicycles, and remote-controlled dump trucks. That’s when it hits them.

After the initial rush of joyful irresponsibility passes, these new empty nesters are finding themselves, in their words, “rattling around in a too big house with too many rooms, a too big yard, and too many memories.” They look around and see all the “stuff” accumulated during their “family years” and wonder if the TV show about hoarding is about them. “Well, the kids will want to come home [just twice a year] and they’ll want to relive their childhood in the old family homestead.” To which I say, “Stop it! You’re not The Waltons!”

Empty nest syndrome is real, and can be debilitating to parents who now find themselves with just each other. It is rarely chronic or fatal, but the emotional roller coaster can make for odd parental behavior…like quitting one’s job or adopting a rescued Affenpinscher. It can also lead to “downsizing.” More than just a favorite activity of “too big to fail” financial firms, “downsizing” also has a real estate application that can vanquish empty nest syndrome and replace it with the nest you’ve always wanted.

Let’s say you’ve lived in your too big house while the kids grew up. You’ve built up equity, kept the home well-maintained, and protected your credit score. It may be time to contact your Allen Tate, REALTOR®, to discuss the next stage of your life. You can downsize to a smaller home with the features you’ve always wanted and get your bathroom back at the same time. No more macaroni and cheese dinners now that you have a gourmet kitchen. No more lost weekends fussing with your lawn now that your HOA takes care of it. No more schlepping the suitcases up the stairs now that you have a first-floor master.

As for the kids…let them know that you are their permanent base, not your real estate. Create a space for them with some of their memorabilia, and make them feel welcome when they visit. But remember, as your kids are developing their independence, so are you.  Be realistic about your expectations for life as empty nesters. It’s not just the recapturing your lost youth. It’s also about considering the pleasures of downsizing into the nest of your dreams.

By Tom Gongaware